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Refried Brains Now Available For Sale!


My cookbook Refried Brains: Recipes For After The Zombie Apocalypse is now available on Amazon

I’ve already started my next cookbook project; recipes that you can prepare with minimal tools, no electricity, & no cooking, from ingredients you can buy at most grocery stores  :D

Drawing isn’t what’s depressing me

I see improvement in what I do.  I love drawing, I love working on art.  I’m a crazy hard worker, I put in hours upon hours of work every week.  I work harder than most people at a ‘normal’ job.

That’s not what burns me out.

Success is a mountain.  There’s people who have already made it to the top, & if you know the right people, you’ll get help getting to the top.
I, however, don’t know the right people

There’s also people who do the bare minimum, & sit around the base of the mountain, relaxing, & waiting to be noticed.  Sometimes they get noticed & get pulled up the mountain without trying very hard.
I am not someone who can sit around, waiting for success to find me.

Then there’s the person busting their ass with a pick axe, trying to climb the mountain with nothing more than effort & determination.
This is me.
I’m further up the mountain than the people who are relaxing at the base; but I know that I’ll never reach the summit without help.  It’s tiring to climb the mountain by myself, without any help, but I don’t give up.  I’ll never be happy just resting on the side of the mountain, stuck between the two camps.

& this fact is what burns me out.  The fact that no matter how hard I try, unless I luck out, I’ll never get to the top.  & there’s nothing I can do about it, but bury myself in my work & not pay attention to the fact that it’s a big luck-based popularity contest.

The ‘Joys’ Of Misophonia

I was trying to shop for books at a second hand store a couple weeks ago.  Somewhere in the store, somebody is whistling

I’ve already had a shit day before this.  I was forced to leave a really nice park because some asshole thought it was cool to let his dog bark for, well, it had been going for 20 minutes before I left, & it didn’t sound like it was going to stop.  All I wanted was some fucking books.  But NOOOOOO, I can’t shop for books in peace.

I look around, shooting dirty looks at everyone who looks like they might be the whistler.  Even if they were, I doubt they’d get the hint, anyone who randomly whistles in public thinks they’re not doing anything wrong, so I’m just the crazy girl near the books, glowering randomly.

I have a couple books in my hands already.  I hold them in such a way that I can shove my fingers in my ears.  This takes away the shrillness of the whistling.  There’s no doubt in my mind that the whistler can FUCKING SEE ME & should be able to figure out that I’m blocking out the noise that HE’S FUCKING MAKING, as there was no music or any other loud noises in the store.

I realize that I can’t pick up any books, because both my hands are plugging my ears.  I start crying.  I’m in a second hand store, plugging my ears, & having a nervous breakdown.
Not my proudest moment.
I wanted to take books & throw them at every fucking person in that building, I didn’t even care who was responsible, I hate living in a society where filling in your own music in a quiet place is acceptable.

Instead I read titles, since I can’t take my hands away from my ears long enough to pick up anything.  I try a few times, & end up sitting on the floor.  I’m kinda surprised no one came up & asked me if I was okay (it would have been pretty fucking obvious I wasn’t).  FINALLY the stupid whistler either gets the hint & shuts up, or he finishes shopping & leaves the store.  I take my fingers out of my ears, grab any books that grab my eye, give the back a quick skim, & hurry out of the store before something else triggers me.

This is just one of MANY issues I’ve had, thanks to my misophonia.
I fear that I’ll never be able to have a ‘normal’ life.  I feel like I have to live under my earphones with music blaring at all times if I want to do anything.
& my triggers aren’t even as bad as some that I’ve heard of.  I don’t have any issues with eating sounds, or breathing.  Mine tend to be based off people being inconsiderate of those around them (dogs barking, loud music, thumping bass, whistling), although I get less tolerant the more triggers I hear in a day, so on a normal day I might have been able to deal with the whistler, but who knows?




being friends with artists to get free drawings doesn’t even work!!!! i am an artist and i cant even give myself free drawings

Honestly if I tell you I’ll draw something for you there’s really only about 5% chance of me actually drawing it.

Most of the times if your artist friend wants to draw something for you they won’t even tell you.  You’ll just find a picture in your face one day with nice comments like HERE BITCH TAKE IT.

I didn’t design all these dresses, but I DID put them all into Animal Crossing  :D

Although I DID design a couple of them

I also will consider requests - I can’t promise anything, the dress has to interest me.
(although I am also open to commissions; price depends on complexity, but probably wouldn’t be more than $5, & closer to $3)

So I started a RHPS poster back in August.  I wanted to add Magenta & Riff Raff, but I couldn’t get them to work in a way I was happy with, so I left the picture alone, with plans to get back to it.

6 months later I finally got back to it.  Drew Magenta & Riff Raff, & realized that they looked much better than all the other characters.  So I had to re-draw all the other characters to match

I thought this side-by-side comparison was interesting.  I don’t often get to see just how much I’ve improved in such a short amount of time

Art block, or something more? Time will tell.

I’m starting to think that spending my entire life being an artist isn’t really a viable option.  I still enjoy the idea of being an artist, but I feel like I’ve burnt out.  I haven’t picked up my art supplies because I WANT to in over 2 weeks.  I used to be able to just work, & everything would just come naturally, or at worst I’d feel like sketching but I’d need to finish colouring instead so I’d force myself to work on that, but now I find myself thinking of other things I could be doing, things I’d rather be doing.  Working on art is just like any other thing I have to do that I don’t really want to; my heart just isn’t in it.
I thought if I left it alone long enough, it would get better.  But it’s been over 2 weeks & I’m not seeing any improvement.  I can make myself work, but it’s more because I feel bad that I’m not doing anything, & that’s my only source of income.

So I’m toying with other ideas for things I could do to make money.  Knowing me though, I worry about getting into anything, as I tend to get into a new project, spend a bunch of time & money, & then decide that it’s not right for me (writing a cookbook, making a braided rug, scrapbooking, webcomics, graphic novels, I could go on).  I’ve been reading books on DIY domestic stuff lately, like soap making, hand cream, & lip balm, & those all sound like they’d be fun to do. I’m also looking into making my own varieties of tea.  These all sound like things I could make & sell, but again, I’m not really sure I’d enjoy them enough to put the time & effort into starting a new business
I want my love of art to come back, not because I miss it, but because it’s an easy answer as to what I should do with all my spare time.

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